Love Me Still Read online

  “She has every right to hate us,” Riyu said in a low voice. “We failed her. Failed to protect her then turned away when she needed us most. We believed the worst in her when she had nothing but faith in us.”

  Cael nodded, unable to form the words that were trapped in his throat. What could he say when he condemned himself with every breath? He was utterly and completely unworthy of her love or faith.

  Had she gone through with it? Had she slipped over the side of the abyss? Was she even now passing to the next life? The world around her was a myriad of convoluted images, wild hallucinations and bizarre sounds.

  One moment she felt as though the flames of hell licked at her skin, and the next, she was submerged into the icy depths of a snowdrift.

  She heard voices. Familiar voices. There were times she swore Cael and Riyu were speaking to her, their love washing over her like a healing wind. Tears pricked her burning lids. She had no more tears to shed. And the dead didn’t cry.

  She slipped in and out of her hazy world. When she heard the voice of her mother-in law, she cringed in fear. When she heard the yips and howls of her pack, tendrils of dread skirted up her chilled skin.

  They hated her. Her mother-in-law’s voice drew nearer. Heather opened her eyes, trying to see if she was real or a figment of Heather’s imagination. When she saw the woman hovering over her, she whimpered in fear and shrank away.

  The pack would exact justice for Heather’s sins. Had they followed her into the hereafter, determined not to let her go unpunished?

  Warm, soothing hands slid over her hot skin. Words of love whispered in her ear. A low moan escaped her. Death wasn’t supposed to hurt so much. She wasn’t supposed to feel.

  “Heather, my love, please don’t cry.”

  She blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of the voice. It was Cael’s voice. Soft lips brushed across her brow. A hand smoothed back her damp hair.

  “I’m afraid,” she whimpered. “Death wasn’t supposed to be so scary.”

  She hated herself for being such a coward. She was mate to the alphas and she couldn’t even go on to the great beyond without shaming herself.

  “You’re not going to die, my heart. I won’t let you.”

  “You hate me,” she whispered. “Leave me in peace.”

  She shook her head from side to side. Why was Cael here? Then a sudden thought, alarming, flashed across her battered mind. Had Cael died too? Was that why she could hear him? The idea filled her with grief, more numbing than any she’d felt so far.

  “Noooo,” she cried. “You weren’t supposed to die too.”

  Sobs welled in her chest and burst from her throat with tearing agony. Strong arms wrapped around her, joined by a second set. Familiar hands. Familiar scents.

  “No one is dying, little love. You must come back to us.”

  “Riyu?”

  “Yes, love, it’s me. Riyu. I’m here. Cael’s here.”

  “Am I dead?” she asked in a small voice.

  She strained to hear their response, but their voices grew dim as the world faded around her. She slipped back into the comfort of unconsciousness.

  Chapter Five

  When Heather awoke again, it was to an awareness she hadn’t experienced since the day she’d trekked into the snow at John Quincy’s cabin. She looked around, expecting to see the familiar sight of the fireplace. The tree John Quincy had decorated for her.

  Instead, what she saw brought an ache to her chest.

  Cael and Riyu lay sprawled on the floor beside her bed, furs tangled at their legs. They only wore buckskins, their chests bare. A fire burned low just a few feet away.

  She moved and nearly moaned with the effort. She’d never felt so weak. So sore. Her muscles protested as she tried to crawl to her feet.

  She glanced around the cabin, recognizing it as the pack’s winter lodging. What was she doing here? Fear and anguish swelled in her belly. How had she come to be back with the pack?

  A vague memory of Niko in his wolf form at John Quincy’s cabin. Had she dreamed it or had he somehow returned her to the pack? And how would Cael and Riyu react when they faced her again?

  Fear-induced nausea swirled around in her stomach until she was swallowing convulsively against the urge to retch. Air. She needed air.

  Carefully, she eased from the soft bed, testing weak legs before she took too many steps. The floor felt cold to her bare feet, and she looked around for her moccasins.

  At the door, a few feet away, lay a pile of shoes. She eased her way over, careful not to wake her mates. Her mates. She closed her eyes against the sudden shard of pain that snaked through her body. They didn’t consider her their mate any more.

  With a sorrowful look in their direction, she eased her shoes onto her feet and reached for one of the furs hanging by the door.

  She opened the door and quickly slipped out into the snow. She breathed deeply of the crisp air. The smell of smoke from the fires of the nearby cabins filtered through her nostrils. The morning sun was barely above the horizon, and a damp chill pervaded her body.

  Still, she picked her way carefully across the snow. She was thirsty, and she knew there was a brook not far. As she approached, she saw it was crusted over with ice.

  She bent down and picked up a rock to break through the surface. Water bubbled over the small opening and she cupped her hands, collecting the ice cold water.

  She drank greedily, taking gulps and refilling her palms quickly.

  “You should have awakened me, love. I would have gotten the water for you.”

  She nearly fell forward onto the ice in her surprise. Strong hands grasped her arms to steady her. She stared up at Cael who stood over her.

  She flinched away from his touch, stumbling backward as she sought to stand. He put out his hands to help her but she warded them off, putting several feet of distance between them.

  “What am I doing here?” she asked. “How did I get here?”

  Behind him, Riyu approached, his gait wary as if he feared spooking her all the more. She took another protective step back. Her eyes darted back to Cael who stood there watching her, so much agony reflected in his eyes it made her wince.

  “We went looking for you,” Cael said. “We found you at John Quincy’s cabin burning up with fever. We brought you home for our shaman to heal.”

  “It wasn’t a dream,” she murmured. “You were all real.”

  “Yes, love. We’re real.”

  He hesitated and took a step forward. She immediately backed up unsure of what to do. What to say. What to feel. Why had they come for her?

  “It breaks my heart that you look at me with fear in your eyes,” he said in a ragged voice. “Even as I know I deserve your loathing. I would prefer hatred in your gaze. But not the fear.”

  “Cael—” She broke off and looked at Riyu who now stood beside his brother. Panic bubbled up. “Why did you come after me?”

  She swayed a bit, and before she knew it, she was kneeling on the cold snow, bewildered at how she got there. Cael and Riyu were beside her in a second, picking her up with gentle hands.

  She looked up at them in complete confusion. Across the snow, she heard a sharp cry. She followed the direction of the noise to see her mother-in-law hurrying toward them. Heather tensed and unwittingly shrank into Cael for protection.

  Cael swung her into his arms, cradling her close. He strode back toward the cabin, meeting his mother half way.

  “Not now, Mama,” he said sharply as he shouldered past her.

  Soon they were back in the warmth of the cabin. Cael set her down on the bed and removed her shoes, shaking the snow from them in the process.

  “You’re freezing,” he said as he wrapped her in the furs. “You shouldn’t be out so soon after your fever.”

  She gaped up at him, still unsure if she was living some bizarre dream. Just to be sure, she reached up and feathered her fingers over his jaw. He closed his eyes and nuzzled into her hand.

  S
he yanked her hand back, palming it with her other hand. “What am I doing here?” she asked. “I don’t understand.”

  Cael knelt on the floor in front of her, his eyes earnestly seeking hers. Behind him, Riyu entered the room and moved over to the bed. He sat down beside her, keeping a small distance between them. He seemed to want to move closer, fidgeting, reaching for her with his hand before pulling away again.

  “Heather, Riyu and I…we have wronged you terribly. We went looking for you to beg your forgiveness, to bring you home, back to us.”

  He reached up to cup her cheek, his thumb smoothing over her jaw.

  “You don’t think I betrayed you?” she asked in a bewildered voice. What had changed? If she lived to be a hundred, she’d never forget the look of hatred in her mates’ eyes that day.

  “We were wrong,” Riyu spoke up. “Niko told us what happened.”

  Heather’s spirits plummeted. She pulled away from Cael. She bent her knees and wrapped her arms around her legs protectively, pulling them to her chest.

  “If Niko hadn’t come back and told you what really happened, would I be here now?” she asked.

  An uncomfortable silence descended between them. Riyu made an agonized sound and moved to her side. He slipped his strong arms around her, hugging her to him.

  She stiffened.

  “Heather, even when we thought you had betrayed us, we loved you still. If you believe nothing else, believe that. I can’t tell you how much it hurt—”

  She yanked away from Riyu, her mind flooding with anger. She stumbled from the bed, putting as much distance between the two brothers as she could.

  “Don’t talk to me about hurt,” she hissed through her teeth. “I did nothing to earn your mistrust. Nothing. I was abandoned by my mates, the two men who said they loved me, who vowed to cherish me always. You didn’t even listen to me. You never gave me a chance.”

  Tears streamed down her cheeks as she let out the anger that had simmered below the surface for so many weeks. She felt near to bursting. Like she’d explode any second.

  Cael got to his feet, his eyes somber. “We were wrong, Heather. I won’t offer excuses. Our father was wrong. Our grief was raw, a terrible thing. We watched our father die, his last words condemning our mate, the woman we loved. It was a double blow. We reacted badly. We should have cared for you, listened to you, meted out justice for the wrongs that were done to you.”

  His voice choked as he said the last, his face graying with sadness.

  “Yes. You should have,” she whispered, the words catching as emotion nearly swelled her throat shut. “You should have believed in me.”

  She was close to losing all control as her grief overwhelmed her. She limped toward the door to the cabin, once again seeking to leave. Instead of going back for her moccasins, she thrust her feet into Riyu’s heavy boots and trudged outside.

  The cabin had been closing around her. She had to get out. The brisk air washed over her wet face, blowing the tears to tiny ice particles. But she ignored the cold, walking aimlessly toward the edge of the encampment.

  Members of her pack stopped what they were doing to stare as she walked past. She hunched her shoulders forward, ignoring their scrutiny. Never before had she felt so keenly that she didn’t belong. The lone human in a pack of wolves. She was an outsider, made so by the fact her mates had cast her aside.

  Her leg ached. She hadn’t exerted herself this much since the attack but she needed space. Needed to get away from the overwhelming urge to scream when she faced Cael and Riyu. She wanted to hit them. She wanted to make them bleed. She wanted to cry. She wanted things to be the way they’d been before.

  But that would never happen.

  She stumbled up to one of the smaller cabins and leaned heavily against the door. They weren’t used for living, mainly for storage. Here, at least she could be warm. And alone.

  As she reached for the handle, she registered a cry from the distance. She ignored it and shoved open the door. She walked in and stopped cold.

  Her hand flew to her throat as a scream lodged there. Her mouth opened and closed but no sound would come out. There on the floor, bound hand and foot were the hunters.

  She backed hurriedly from the cabin, falling as she stumbled over her bad leg, the big boots on her feet making her clumsy. She landed in the snow and still she struggled to get away. She crawled, lurching to her feet, prepared to run.

  She hit a hard chest. Arms gripped her tight and a soothing voice crooned in her ear.

  Niko.

  She relaxed, all the fight going out of her. Niko had saved her before. He wouldn’t allow anything bad to happen to her now. She slumped in his arms, and he gathered her close.

  “Niko,” she whispered.

  “Hush, little one. It will be all right. I tried to stop you before you went in. You always were too inquisitive for your own good.”

  She smiled for the first time since the morning John Quincy had gotten her the Christmas tree. She wrapped her arms around Niko’s neck and hugged tightly.

  “Why are they here?” she asked in a ragged voice.

  He kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry you had to see them. We were too intent on finding you to deal swiftly with them. So they waited until we returned. Soon, justice will be met.”

  She shivered in his arms, mentally recoiling from the horrible memories the hunters conjured.

  “Come with me,” he said, urging her away. “You don’t need to be here. I must speak with you anyway.”

  She raised her gaze curiously, searching his face for his intent. He regarded her solemnly, his golden eyes full of resolve.

  She allowed him to guide her away. He moved slowly, taking care with her injured leg. As they neared the edge of the woods, he eased her down to sit on a large bolder. He squatted in front of her, taking her hands in his.

  Regret flashed in his eyes. “I have much to apologize for, little one. I should have never left you that day. I should have delivered you safely to your mates.”

  “Oh, Niko,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “It wasn’t your fault. You saved me. You carried me back when all I really wanted to do was lay there and die.”

  “I want to take care of you, Heather. I know you don’t love me, but in time you may come to care for me. I would be proud to call you mate. I would honor and protect you with my life. No one would ever hurt you again. If you aren’t comfortable with the pack, we can leave. Start a new life somewhere else.”

  Chapter Six

  Heather stared at the handsome warrior in astonishment. “Mate? I don’t understand.”

  “I think you do,” he said gently. He put out a hand and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I would take you away from here if that is your wish. I only want for you to be happy. You sacrificed everything for me. I would see that you never want for anything.”

  Heather’s heart clenched even as she looked sadly at him. His declaration was true and honorable. She had no doubt he’d do exactly as he promised. But he didn’t love her. And was that so bad?

  She looked down, her heart beating a little harder as she considered his proposal. Love was painful. It burned. It bled. It was the sharpest knife and the dullest blade. It carried the highest joys and the deepest sorrows. She was tired of feeling. Would being with a man without the burden of love be easier?

  “What are you thinking?” he prompted.

  “I don’t know what I should do,” she said honestly. “I hurt.” The admission came painfully, a sharp burst, pulling from her chest.

  “I know you do,” he whispered. “And I’m so sorry.”

  He pulled her against his chest, rocking back and forth as he rubbed his hands up and down her back.

  “Think about it,” he said as he finally pulled away. “I won’t leave you nor will I rescind my offer. Take as much time as you need. Let me know when you’ve reached your decision. I’ll respect it no matter the outcome.”

  “Thank you,” she said, reac
hing out to pull him closer to her.