Love Me Still Page 5

  She kissed him lightly on the lips, a gesture of her affection. She’d done so before and never thought anything of it. But now it seemed inappropriate.

  She pulled back and looked away.

  “Come, little one,” he said gently. “Let me return you to your cabin. You shouldn’t be out in the cold. You need rest.”

  As they turned to walk back to the cabin, she looked up to see Cael and Riyu standing in the distance, watching her. Had they seen her kiss Niko? She pushed aside the guilt that plagued her, inserting anger in its stead. She had nothing to feel guilt over. Nothing at all.

  As they drew closer to the two brothers, Cael stepped forward, wrapping an arm around Heather’s shoulders and pulling her against his side.

  “Thank you for seeing to our mate, Niko. We will care for her from here.”

  Niko nodded curtly and strode away, kicking up the snow with his boots.

  Cael guided Heather into the warmth of the cabin. He could feel her trembling against him, though he wondered if it was just the cold.

  Riyu followed behind, his stance awkward, his demeanor screaming helplessness. Cael understood that helplessness. Niko had offered Heather his protection. Had she accepted? Would she leave them to go with Niko now?

  Cael couldn’t blame her for wanting to go, for not wanting to stay with the men who had hurt her so badly. But he also knew he couldn’t live without her. He would have to make his stand or risk losing her forever.

  He guided Heather over to a chair in front of the fire. He eased her into the seat and tucked a fur over her lap. He eyed his brother over her head, silently communicating what he was about to do.

  Riyu moved to Heather’s other side. Together they would fight for their mate.

  “Heather, we need to talk,” Cael said as he pulled a chair at an angle to her.

  Her blue eyes flashed at him, mirrored the hurt he knew she felt. He’d do anything to take the hurt away. To erase it. Make it never happen. But God, he couldn’t. He couldn’t change the past.

  He slid his hand over her arm, enjoying the feel of her flesh underneath his fingers. “Do you love us, still?” he asked.

  She tensed beneath his hand, and she looked away, but not before he saw the rim of moisture at her lids.

  “We know you’re angry and hurt, love,” Riyu spoke up, his voice strained and edgy. “You have every right to be. But has your love for us died? Do we have any chance of making you love us again?”

  Cael felt the tension in her, heard the stuttering of her breath as it tore from her chest.

  “I never stopped loving you,” she whispered. “It is you who lost your love and faith in me.”

  Cael’s chest sliced open at her words, and his stomach rolled. “Oh no, my heart,” he said as he gathered her into his arms. “Never. Not even when we thought the worst did our love vanish.”

  He held her close, whispering kisses through her hair. Her heart beat wildly against his chest. Riyu reached for her, his need to touch her reflected in his eyes. Cael relinquished her to his brother, but kept close as Riyu’s arms folded around her.

  “Can you ever forgive us?” Riyu asked hoarsely. “What we ask is no simple thing, but I beg it nonetheless. I can’t live without you, my love. If it takes the rest of my life, I will live every day to make up for the way we have wronged you.”

  Heather was a mass of confusion. It was heaven to be back in their arms and the worst sort of hell. Niko’s offer rested in the back of her mind, a safe haven from the pain and agony of the decision that she must make. It was the coward’s way out, but she wasn’t sure she had the strength to be courageous. Not anymore.

  She allowed herself the exquisite comfort of Riyu’s embrace for a few seconds longer before pulling away. She glanced between the two brothers, saw the fear and the anxiety in their eyes. They feared losing her. But hadn’t they lost her already? Hadn’t they been willing to go on without her? What if she had died when they’d left her?

  Her eyes closed. She felt so weary. So torn. Never before had she faced a decision of this magnitude. One that had the power to affect the rest of her life in a way no other decision would. She could live out her life alone, denying herself the two men who claimed to love her, the two men she loved more than anything. Or she could take a chance, put herself into their keeping, something that before she would have done without thought or worry. But she didn’t have that luxury now.

  “I don’t know,” she whispered. “I just don’t know.”

  Cael looked at her with bleak eyes. “It is all right, my heart. You must rest. Get better. We will care for you. Take the time you need to make your decision. But know this. We will always love you. We will always care for you. Never again will you be left alone.”

  She gazed up at him, wanting to believe him with all her heart, wanting to start over and forget the past. But it wasn’t that easy. It never would be.

  Slowly, she looked away, turning her stare into the flames of the fire. “The hunters,” she whispered. “I don’t want them here.”

  She wrapped her arms protectively over her chest, clutching at her arms as memories rolled over her.

  Cael and Riyu both stiffened, and when she looked up at them, rage rolled off them in waves.

  “It will be done,” Cael said in a dangerously low voice. “You will never have to look upon them again.”

  She shivered at the intensity in his expression. He bent his head, hesitantly at first, and softly brushed his lips across hers.

  It was a jolt to her system. She closed her eyes as a sense of homecoming hummed sweetly through her veins. When Cael pulled away, she felt bereft of his touch.

  “Rest, my heart. Your mates will watch over you.”

  Cael moved away and Riyu bent to kiss her as well. His lips were hungrier than Cael’s. More impatient and demanding. He nipped lightly at her bottom lip, tugging downward until she opened for him. Then his tongue swept in, tasting her, allowing her to taste him.

  He raised his head, breaking the kiss. Her eyes followed him, feeling the same hunger she knew rolled within him. He reached out his hand and touched her swollen lips. “Rest now,” he whispered.

  Chapter Seven

  Over the next few days, Cael and Riyu did everything in their power to make Heather smile again. They dragged a tree into their cabin, and with the help of their mother, decorated it until it sparkled from head to toe.

  Christmas was but two days away, and normally, it would be a delightful time between Heather and her mates. Last year they had sledded down the hills, played in the snow, laughed and loved with a joy that still made her ache.

  This year the atmosphere was tense, sorrowful and filled with so much regret that it made her uncomfortable.

  Heather rested, concentrating on regaining her strength. Cael and Riyu bullied her into eating, and already she could feel the results of the nourishment.

  But the nights. The nights made her ache. Her mates slept on the floor while she lay alone on the bed. She wanted them next to her but was too afraid to issue the invitation. So she huddled amongst the furs, mourning her loss.

  Christmas Eve afternoon, the encampment was alive with holiday festivities. The joyous sounds of children scampering about, the adults laughing and jesting, they assaulted her ears as she limped through the snow.

  She needed some time alone. She must make her decision. She couldn’t go on like this, wanting, needing but so afraid.

  She approached the edge of the woods and took refuge underneath the beautiful fir trees. She sank into the snow, leaning against the trunk, uncaring of the wetness bleeding into her clothing.

  Quietness descended. Not even the stirring of wind could be heard. Then she heard the soft echo of a lullaby. She cocked her head, the melody eliciting a long buried memory. She knew this tune.

  It curled around her. She could feel the tendrils of comfort. So odd and yet so pleasant. A soft glow sparked before her eyes. She blinked, thinking she was seeing things, but the light
took shape.

  The soft hum of the song grew louder. A woman appeared before Heather, her eyes alight with love, a soft smile showing tender on her face.

  “Mama?” Heather whispered.

  My precious daughter. How I ache for you.

  Tears filled Heather’s eyes. “I miss you, Mama.”

  I’m here, my angel. I’m always here.

  Heather felt her mother’s love envelop her like a hug. “What am I going to do, Mama? I hurt so much. I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

  Oh my darling love, what a terrible time you’ve had. But you’re strong. So much stronger than I ever was. Listen to your heart, Heather. Sometimes forgiveness is the hardest thing to give, but the most cherished thing to receive.

  Forgiveness. Wasn’t love all about being willing and able to forgive? Love wasn’t perfect. No one was asking her to forget.

  “I love them,” Heather whispered. “So much. I don’t want to live without them.”

  You are not living now, my angel. And you need to start. You have so much to give. So much life ahead of you. Just waiting for you to reach out and grasp it.

  “I’m afraid.”

  Her mother’s voice, so gentle and loving, soothed over her. My darling, of course you are afraid. But in time, you will no longer fear. It will fade and each day will get easier. You’ll see.

  “I love you, Mama. I wish…” How could she put into words that she wished her mother hadn’t left her, that more than anything she wanted her here with her all the time.

  I know. I know. I wish it could be so. But I’m never far away.

  Heather felt her mother’s presence grow lighter, and she opened her mouth to protest.

  Merry Christmas, Heather. My wish for you is to live without regret.

  “No, Mama. Don’t go.”

  But she was gone.

  Heather lowered her head to her lap and wept. All the grief, the pain, the betrayal and the lost hope poured from her in a vicious torrent. But when her sobs quieted, she felt lighter than she had in weeks.

  She stood to her feet, shaky from the expended emotion. In the distance she saw Niko striding toward her. She sucked in a breath, knowing what she had to do.

  She waited until he approached her. He cocked his head to one side, studying her.

  “You’ve made your choice,” he said.

  She nodded.

  He reached out and took her hands. Then he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I wish you happiness, little one. Know that I am never far away. If you ever need me, you have but to call.”

  She threw herself into his arms, her injured leg buckling underneath her. She hugged him tight. “Thank you, Niko. You are the truest friend I’ve ever known.”

  “Come. Let me help you back to your cabin. Your mates never should have let you wander this far.”

  She settled into his side and walked slowly beside him, his arm tight around her waist.

  Chapter Eight

  Cael watched as Niko approached with Heather. He’d been watching Heather ever since she’d retreated to the edge of the compound. He’d seen Niko approach her, then watched as they embraced. And now they returned. Together.

  A knot tightened in his stomach. Panic seized him until he thought he might retch. She’d made her choice and it wasn’t him and Riyu.

  He closed his eyes against the horrible blackness spreading through his soul. Beside him, Riyu sucked in his breath.

  Heather stopped a few feet in front of the brothers, and Niko squeezed her shoulders before turning to walk away. She stood there staring at them, her eyes awash with a multitude of misgivings.

  “Can I talk to you?” she asked quietly. “Both of you.”

  Cael reached for her. He couldn’t help himself. “Come inside where it’s warm.”

  As he guided her inside, Riyu hovered close to her. Cael’s pulse bounded. Did he have the right to ask her to stay when he’d been responsible for all the hurt she’d endured?

  She stumbled a bit as she made her way to the chair in front of the fire. Riyu reached out and tucked his hand underneath her elbow. He eased her into the chair and tucked the furs around her.

  Cael could smell the fear that radiated from his brother. Everything hinged on this moment. Their lives, their happiness.

  When Heather was settled in, Cael moved to stand in front of the fire so he’d be in her line of vision. Riyu hunkered down beside her on the floor. To the side, the Christmas tree they’d decorated for her twinkled brightly with all the bits of bright paper they’d strung on it. He had a sudden urge to smash it.

  She licked her lips nervously. Opened then closed her mouth. Her hand flew to her throat and massaged absently.

  “Just say it,” Cael said quietly.

  Blue eyes shone back at him, so beautiful. Then she lowered her hands to her lap and looked down.

  “I love you both so much,” she whispered. “But I hurt. I’m so afraid. I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”

  Cael closed his eyes even as Riyu let out a tortured moan.

  “Niko offered to take me away from here if I wanted.”

  Cael flinched.

  “I don’t want to go,” she added softly.

  Both men surged to attention, their focus entirely on their mate.

  “What do you want, love? Tell us. We’ll do anything in our power to give it to you,” Riyu said urgently.

  She turned her gaze to Riyu and searched his face. Then she turned to Cael with the same questing look.

  “I want your love. Your trust.”

  Cael sank to his knees in front of her. He gathered her hands in his, holding tight. “You’ve always had our love, my heart. And you’ll never be without our trust again.”

  She reached forward, her first overt gesture of tenderness since before the attack. She stroked her fingertips over his jaw line. Then she turned and did the same gentle exploration of Riyu’s cheek.

  Riyu nuzzled into her hand, kissing her palm.

  “I honestly don’t know that I’ll soon forget. At night when I close my eyes, the images are still there. Frightening and painful. But…” She stopped for a moment and swallowed. “But, I forgive you,” she finally whispered.

  Cael’s heart soared. He felt curiously lightheaded and then he realized it was because he’d held his breath. He expelled it in one long rush.

  “Do you still want me? Even after what happened? Do you love me, still?”

  “Oh, Heather,” Riyu said, his voice heavy with anguish. “I’ve never loved you more than at this moment. It shames me that you’d even have to ask if we still love you. It is because of us that you suffered so.”

  “Never again will you have cause to doubt our love,” Cael vowed.

  She slumped against the chair, looking so tired and so unbelievably fragile. But her eyes shone so brightly with her love. Unconditional love. Something they hadn’t offered her.

  He wanted to shout. To weep with the joy of receiving a second chance he didn’t deserve. He and Riyu were so unworthy of the woman sitting before them.

  Ever so gently, he cradled his arms around her, pulling her against his chest. Her heart beat erratically against his chest as she nuzzled further into his embrace.

  “I love you,” he whispered around the knot in his throat.

  “I love you, too,” she said.

  Reluctantly, he relinquished his hold on her and allowed Riyu to move forward to pull her into his arms. He listened as Riyu reaffirmed his love for their mate, and in that moment experienced such a surge of rightness. As if finally, after so many weeks of